


It must’ve sounded better in his head

by basicreddie



Category: IT - Stephen King
Genre: Big Gay Love Story, Bill Skarsgard is hot tho, Bisexual Bill Denbrough, Eddie Kaspbrak is a Mess, Established Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier, Gay Richie Tozier, Gay Stanley Uris, How Do I Tag, I know it says Mike and Oc but no Mike is alone :’), I’ll add more soon - Freeform, I’ll do this later, Love Confessions, Mike is still alone lmao, Minor Bill Denbrough/Stanley Uris, Multi, No Smut, Pennywise is mentioned but not in this story, Please read notes, Richie Tozier & Stanley Uris Are Best Friends, Richie Tozier Loves Eddie Kaspbrak, STAN IS DEFINITELY DEMISEXUAL, Sassy Stanley Uris, Stenbrough is thriving, Stenbrough is you squint, What Have I Done, because fuck him, benverly if you squint - Freeform, beverly is kind of closeted, hhhhhhhhhh reddie, im forfeiting lunch for this, no kasbrough tho, should I have that as my title?, slowburn, some stozier cause why not, sorry slow updates since this is improvised, stan will always be there for Richie uwu, that’s an a amazing tag, theyre important to understand the story, they’re young like 15-16 maybe, what’s it without reddie let’s be real here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-15
Updated: 2020-01-28
Packaged: 2020-11-01 07:30:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 16,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20811374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/basicreddie/pseuds/basicreddie
Summary: im Just gonna take a few sentences from the actual book because fuck summaries——Richie Tozier’s palms were starting to sweat. He had recently come into touch with his sexuality and he had planned on telling his friends, but the thought of them possibly hating him for it really bothered him. Richie’s biggest fear wasn’t just clowns, but being abandoned and alone. Loneliness made his skin crawl. He knew his friends wouldn’t disown him as a Loser, but ‘what if’s’ plagued his mind constantly. If they were anything like his parents were when they found out then Richie had no hope.





	1. A change in time

**Author's Note:**

> Ok so for starters the start might through you off a little from the main story line but for a note, Richie’s coming out confession is a a flashback in Stan’s memory. I think I wrote it clear enough. Leave some feed back if you liked it :)
> 
> This is for my wonderful friend Irene ily I know you love Reddie

“So, who’s house are we sleeping at?”

Bill launched his arm in the air so fast he nearly smacked Richie in the face halfway through Beverly’s question. He knew his parents were away for the majority of Saturday Night so he quickly volunteered his house as a temporary hideout for the night. “S-sorry Rich- We can s-stay at my house, my p-parents are out f-for most of the n-n-night.” Beverly clapped out of excitement. The other 6 simply smiled. The losers were currently enjoying a calm Friday afternoon in the underground clubhouse Ben had generously built for them. Ben was always good with architecture and the others admired him for it. They admired that he never let his natural talent go to waste. Even after the traumatic It experience. Inside the clubhouse was a hammock with its ends tied to the wooden roof, a desk, a vanity mirror for Beverly, (though he never explicitly said, it was blatantly obvious. She was still grateful) and four wooden dirty chairs with cobwebs hanging in the brace. Stan and Eddie’s initial reaction was to grimace, but got over it pretty quickly when no one else seemed to care. Stan still made everyone wear hairnets. Just in case

Upon entering the clubhouse, Richie ran straight to the hammock and attempted to not fall out of it. After a bit of squirming, Rich somehow got comfortable and took it upon himself to flip everyone off because he made it before them. His comfiness however, was short lived when Eddie marched up to him, demanding he get out of the spot.

”Hey Rich your ten minutes are up” 

“What are you talking about?”

” The hammock! Ten minutes each was the rule.”

Richie shrugged, “ I don’t see any sign.” Eddie looked at him half exasperated, half irritated. “Are you seriously being this way right now?!”

”There’s no sign!” Richie repeated. 

“It was a verbal agreement!” Eddie snapped back. 

Their bickering might go on forever, but it was worth it since it meant Richie can continue messing with Eddie’s short temper. 

Which was Richies favourite thing to do.

Their back and forth banter continued until Beverly shut them up. “Fucks sake guys, you are so annoying!”, She fired at them in a irritated tone, yet she was giggling. “ Richie just get up already, we have a lot to talk about.” Richie declined and glued his ass to the hammock. Eddie knew he wasn’t moving. “Fuck it”, he muttered and Eddie just manoeuvred he way on the hammock and settled under Richies long legs. Their position wasn’t the most comfy, but Eddie managed quite well.

”Ed’s wha-“

”Don’t call me that.” Those four words became a habit for Eddie. 

“Well wow!” Richie smirked, looking at Eddie from top to bottom, “You look better from here!” Richie paid the price for that comment after Eddie snatched his comic book and pelted it at him. Rich put his hands up to protect his face, but to no avail as the magazine hit him at full speed anyway. “Ouch Eddie-bear!” He playfully cried, “Betrayed by my own lover!” Eddie glared at him with a face dead of surprise and in the most monotone voice he said, “Then. Perish.”

Stan laughed at Eddie’s dry comment. It didn’t matter what inappropriate joke Richie said, or what fiery insult his dear Ed’s threw at him, their friends knew it was their playful flirting. Everyone took notice of how they looked at each other, how bashfully Eddie tried to hide his blush, how protective Richie got and (most importantly to Stan), how jealous Eddie looked when Rich bragged about how many girls he’s been with. But it was all a facade. Richie was gay. It was a half surprise to every loser (except Stan) when he finally came out. Stanley found it as a funny memory.

**{Flashback; they’re sitting at the quarry}**

The Losers sat in a circle on perfectly cut wood logs surrounding a mini fire Mike made for them. It was a chilly Sunday and they needed warmth if they wanted to stay outside. Ben and Beverly brought marshmallows while Stan was in charge of crackers and Bill taking the liberty to buy as much chocolate as the store would sell him. As the day faded into noon, it seemed like nothing could go wrong for the losers. Well, nothing could go wrong for the 6 of them anyway.

Richie Tozier’s palms were starting to sweat. He had recently come into touch with his sexuality and he had planned on telling his friends, but the thought of them possibly hating him for it really bothered him. Richie’s biggest fear wasn’t just clowns, but being abandoned and alone. Loneliness made his skin crawl. He knew his friends wouldn’t disown him as a Loser, but ‘what if’s’ plagued his mind constantly. If they were anything like his parents were when they found out then Richie had no hope. Then he was fucked. Really fucked. He ultimately decided to hide his worries, mask his fears, push the pride he had left down very deep into the core of his veins and and wear his ever so broken heart on his ripped sleeves. 

“Guys?” Richie faintly whispered, “Guys?” He repeated, but to no avail. “GUYS!” He screamed, breaking their conversation. The 5 boys and girl looked utterly startled at their friends unexpected outburst. “Geez,” Beverly started, “I’ve never heard you scream so loud.” She waited for some sort of sexual innuendo from Rich, but was surprised when none come. “ So”, she then continued, “ What’s up?”

Richie paused in his tracks. The gravity of the situation and what he was doing finally came to his head and the little bit of confidence, dignity and adrenaline Richie had 4 minutes ago was completely drained from him. His face faded to a fair pale, almost the same as Beverly’s fine skin. A mini panic attack formed in his overwhelmed head, making him dizzy. He couldn’t do this! What if they’re as homophobic as everyone else? Would they leave him? Would they make him meet the same fate as Adrien from all those years ago? Richie tried to drown those thought because he knew he was being ridiculous. What about Stan and Bill? They’re in somewhat of an “unspoken relationship” but not technically together. Besides, they were his best friends, his only friends. If they left him, he would no one. They would forget about the memories they all made with him- “Richie?” Mike interrupted, “You look like a deer in headlights!” 

“What’s got you so worried man?” Ben politely asked.

”Y-you can tell u-us”, Bill added.

Beverly and Eddie did not speak but their eyes glanced at Richie, than each other. Stan tilted his head curiously like a small puppy seeing a bird. Richie felt eyes on his back and turned to look over at Stanley. Their eyes met, and with the rare beauty of their chaotic friendship, Stan gave Rich and unspoken form of encouragement. Because Stan knew. He’s alway known. He might’ve known before Richie knew himself. It was a confidential topic he regularly questioned, but for Richie’s sake never out loud. Stan kindly gave him a rare smile to push him to continue. Richie smiles back, turned around and faced his confused friends, trying to breathe through the tension he created. He envisioned what he was going to say, and how he was going to say it in his brain and planned to speak his mind completely.

But it must’ve sounded clearer and better in his head.

”I.......I.......a......m....am..I..”

”We don’t need another stutter”, Eddie whispered. Bill glared at Eddie. “ O-ouch you a-anxiety havin ass!” Eddie looked back with a matching expression. He was about to say something else but was cut off. “Shut up!” Stan hissed, which temporarily quiet them both down. Richie had all eyes on him. He looked at Stanley for reassurance but he was busy keeping his ‘boyfriend’ quiet. Rich knew he was on his own for this one. He had doubts but life was short too;

it was now or _never_.

”I’m...i”, he stuttered at first. “After everything I’ve heard from ‘others’ and after everything we’ve been through, I’ve come to terms with a lot of things.” Richie took a deep breath while analysing his friends expressions. “ I had an identity crisis-stop laughing Bev I’m not joking- and I thought about who I am to myself, to others and most importantly, to one particular person and what that person would think of me when they found out my biggest secret.” Richie’s eyes roamed the losers, careful not to stare at Eddie for too long.

”Would that person still care for me the same? Would we still talk? What if they ignored me? What if they disowned me as a friend over something I couldn’t control? Like Stan and Mikes backgrounds or Bill’s stutter! I get nervous when I think about losing this person because,”. He paused. “Because they mean so much to me. I have dreams-no- nightmares of them being just within my reach only to be yanked out of my grasp at the last second. All because I made the grave mistake of my wearing my heart on my sleeve and giving everyone the key to my deepest secrets and fears.”

”At Stan’s Bar Mitz Fa, **{A/n-absolutely butchered that I apologise}** he said a few things I knew were directed to me. We both knew it. He knew it before I did. It was like a sudden awakening to me for something I didn’t know I knew all along. Half of the speech was boring as fuck-sorry staniel- but during the speech he looked straight at me and said “the secrets we feel like we need to keep”. It hit the most because that’s how I’ve felt my whole life.” Richie glanced at Stan and he nodded back.

“If you losers haven’t picked it up yet i guess I can say it now.” He took a deep breath while Stan was holding his. This was it. This was the moment fate would decide what happened next. This was the moment Richie’s happiness would be on edge. This is where _everything_ would change.

”I’m gay.”


	2. Actions mean more than words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eddie looked rather thoughtful. Dread flooded through Richie’s veins. “This can’t be good”, a panic-striken Rich thought. If his dear friend didn’t accept him, then there was no point to any of this! He did this for him. If his love was unrequited, Richie didn’t know what he’d do. They weren’t exactly high to begin with, but after seeing Eddie’s unrecognisable expression, any hopes and dreams of them being a couple had absolutely plummeted six feet under earth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hhhhh okay so I need suggestions of things you wanna see in chapter 3 cause I would love to add a side plot + everything else on things you like <3  
Also this took like 7 years tf

Beverly and Bill shared the same shocked look. Mike and Ben both raised curious eyebrows. Eddie gasped and stared at Richie like he hasn’t breathed in years. Stan’s smile widened and he nodded to Richie to tell him he was doing great so far. He glanced around to the other Losers and stared in disbelief. He figured the elements of suprise and the sudden fear in his newly gay friend would ultimately be the thing to bring Rich down lower than Bill’s grades back in elementary. Stan snapped his long fingers to get his friends attention. When they faced Stanley, he shot them a harsh, menacing warning glare which pretty clearly said “_If any of you dumbasses say ANYTHING remotely stupid or homophobic I will make the It incident and both world wars look like fucking tea parties._” The five others all gulped in unison. Stan was someone who always stood for what he thought was right, regardless of consequences. He had grown since those years ago, and was a much more confident person. He still bottled up emotions, but they now knew how to pick him back up when he was kicked to the ground. They also knew that no one messed with Stanley when he felt determined. Everyone knew quite well the lengths Stan may go to make sure everything goes alright for Richie today. To make sure he felt accepted. To make sure his best friend felt okay.  
The losers and the land behind them was silent. So quiet you could only hear wind blowing smoothly every few minutes and a occasional fly when it decided annoy them once in awhile. Everyone’s eyes wondered around to each other’s, each pair wondering who would say something first. But for a few minutes or what seemed like forever to Richie, the painful silence was finally broken when Beverly decided to take initiative and speak up first.

Her beautiful eyes met his and she smiled. “Richie that...”, she sputtered out, trying to form the right encouraging words for her dear friend. Instead she just decided actions meant more than words and got up and gave him a big hug. Her long and smooth arms wrapped around his neck while his went to her mid-section. “Congratulations Trashmouth, I think your gonna find getting Eddie to be yours a bit easier now.”, she whispered. Richie scoffed and she laughed. It was good so far. The others quickly followed Beverly’s example. Stan, then Mike, then Ben and then Bill.

Eddie however, did not get up and join his friends.

The other four crushed Beverly and Richie in a big six person hug. Richie felt his slim bones only seconds away from being snapped into little pieces, but he didn’t care. He didn’t care because he wouldn’t trade this moment for the god dam world. He felt all his insecurities fade. All his worries and woes wash away. He felt safe being surrounded by people he desperately cared for. He felt something he never got from his parents. He felt _loved_.

The six eventually dispersed and shared a small laugh. It made Richie’s heart melt knowing that his friends were accepting. They all promised that no matter what gender he was into, he would always be their loud, inappropriate loveable trashmouth. Richie’s cheeks flushed with the unfamiliar feeling of constant happiness, yet he was still shaking with fear. The same fear he felt when he was trapped in the Neilbolt house with all the clowns, when Eddie broke his arm and when he was cruelly outed in front of everyone by Bowers. Rich felt _that fear._

Because one person hadn’t said anything.

Eddie looked rather thoughtful. Dread flooded through Richie’s veins. “This can’t be good”, a panic-striken Rich thought. If his dear friend didn’t accept him, then there was no point to any of this! He did this for him. If his love was unrequited, Richie didn’t know what he’d do. They weren’t exactly high to begin with, but after seeing Eddie’s unrecognisable expression, any hopes and dreams of them being a couple had absolutely plummeted six feet under earth.

Eddie glazed his eyes around awkwardly. He wanted to speak with Richie alone but his friends were oblivious to his unspoken attempts to get the to fuck off. Beverly eventually got the message. “Alright then!” She announced, “Its getting pretty dark and everyone besides Richie and Eddie have a curfews so, Lets go!” Bill looked utterly confused. “C-curfew is seven, i-i-it’s only four?”  
“_Bill_”, and irritated voice whispered in his ear. Bill whipped his head to see an annoyed Stanley raising and eyebrow at Bill’s absent-mindedness. Stan tilted his head towards Richie and Eddie to try and convey the meaning of the situation, but to no avail. Bill just shrugged his shoulders and said “What?”. His unawareness made Stan’s logical brain physically hurt and he just face-palmed in defeat to his dumbass excuse of a friend. Mike’s eye twitched. “You cannot be serious!” Beverly exploded. Ben burst into a fit of giggles while Bev, Stan and Eddie rolled their eyes. Richie stood very still the whole time trying to keep calm, anticipating the eventual conversation he was about to have with his forever crush. Bill ended up realising what was going on (only after 27 punches from Bev) and quickly grabbed Stan’s hand and bolted out of sight. Ben and Mike left shortly after, leaving Beverly, Eddie and Richie. Beverly winked at the two before running off into the falling sunset to catch up with Ben and Mike. Only two of the seven left.

Richie nervously gulped while Eddie directed his focal point to his worn out shoes, leaving Rich in his peripheral vision. Both hoped the obvious tension wouldn’t last, but neither of the boys said anything. Just mindless starting and long winded sighs. After five minutes of silence, Eddie got the courage to say what he’s been meaning to say when he first came to the quarry two hours ago.  
“ I’m sorry for not getting up with the others to congratulate you. I was thinking and decided to hold you back after they all left because I wanted to.. talk to you with then out of earshot.” Richie was getting more nervous. Eddie must’ve sensed it because he grabbed Richie’s wrist and pulled him closer. “Hey, Rich, it’s okay! I’m really happy for you and I’m happy you finally decided to give us the key to your biggest secret. It is really brave if you to do that.” Eddie looked at the ground and his aura changed from warm and happy to kinda sad. He muttered something along the lines of “its a challenge I could never overcome” but Richie couldn’t be sure. Instead of pushing him to speak up, he just repeated Eddie’s actions before and softly put his hands around Eddie’s slim wrists. His right was still scarred from when he broke it back in 29 Neilbolt house, but Rich just carefully let his fingers float over the fading lines of scars before moving them to Eddie’s small hands and he gripped them tight. Even tighter than he did when all seven losers made the oath to swear to return if it were to become a threat in the future. Eddie tightened his loose grip in response to Richie’s movements. Moments like these, moments where both boys feelings emanate from deep below their cores onto the surface of their hearts, were rare. Very rare. But when they happened to did Richie cherish them. He would always dream about that moment for days, replaying it in his mind until it became bittersweet.

  * Richie and Eddie were so close their noses nearly touched. “Ed’s” , he started, Ed’s I-“ “Don’t call me that.”, Eddie whispered, cutting his friend off mid sentence. The shorter boy slid his arm up Richie’s arm all the way past his shoulder to his face. Rich inhaled a sharp breath at the feeling of Eddie’s warm hands on his cold skin. He felt _breathless_, like he was experiencing a wonderful dream and living in a cruel web of lies. He didn’t know if this was really happening or that the world was being brutal to him. He waited for the moment he would find out this is all a day dream, but it never came. Richie was truly here. Eddie was truly in front of him. Close to him. To test this, he experimentally slithered his arms around Eddie’s petite waist. Eddie had no reaction, giving Richie the “its ok” sign. Actions meant more than words and neither spoke, not daring to break the feeling that was flying inside of both of them. The excitement. The fear. The _craving_. Everything. Every emotion ever felt was definitely felt inside them. It was mixed and unfamiliar. Eddie’s smooth hand continued from Richie’s bony shoulders to his right cheek.

Eddie was dangerously close. His lips ghosts over Richie’s. One small push would be all that was needed to make Richie’s heart burst. Eddie’s lips looked pink and soft while Richie’s were slightly chapped from the cold climate. Wind blows were heavy in the distance, but Richie couldn’t hear anything. He was too caught in this moment to pay attention to something else other than what was in front of him. Time felt like it had stopped and Richie took advantage of this by deciding to speed things up a little. Richie pushed himself closer unroll their foreheads touched. Before Rich could do anything else, Eddie swiftly removes his glasses and softly putting the on the seat behind him. Richie smiles at the gesture and continued living in paradise. Both boys eyes were open, waiting to see what may happen. Richie learned in ever so slowly. They were so close Eddie could smell the mintiness on Richie’s warm breath and see the beautiful freckles he didn’t know Richie had. Eddie leaned in breaking the gap between them. Richie inhaled sharply at the sudden feeling of astonishment, delight and nausea in his stomach.

But it was only for a few seconds at most.

The kids was interrupted by the curfew bell, signaling to Derry Citizens that it was their warning to get home from wherever they may be. Richie and Eddie jumped out of each other’s grasps and realised the time. Eddie looked around, trying to find something to say before he remembered what was behind him. “ Oh!” Said Eddie as he reached towards the seat, grabbed Richie’s glasses and softly placed them back on his beautiful face, making his eyes two times their size. Eddie smiled at the sight. “ I gotta to now Rich or my Mom will fucking kill me”, he said looking towards the houses that sit on Derry Maine. Before Eddie went, he embraced Richie tighter than he ever has. They fell out of each other’s arms and Eddie quickly started running home to his overbearing mother.

Richie was all alone now.  
“Cya Richie!” He heard in the distance. Rich looked up at the silhouette of the fading figure of Eddie sprinting home. “Cya Eddie Spaghetti”, Richie whispered to himself and smiled.

Today had truly been the best day of his fucking life. Nothing would ever compare.


	3. Far beyond in love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> God knows he needed it. Releasing all of the hurt and the problems he’s been running from felt good. He finally felt okay and safe. He finally felt like he had someone he can always talk to when he has problems with Eddie. All his friends contributed to help him somehow. He goes to Stan when he feels unsafe in his house, to Bill’s when he needs a hand in school, to Ben for studying, to Mike or moral support, to Eddie for someone to vent too when Stan or Mike are busy, and from now and onwards, to Beverly about his problems with Eddie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the late update, I wrote this twice and lost everything twice. Doesn’t help this is improvised soooooof. Also the sleepover that was mentioned in the 1st chapter is happening next chapter. Also this chapter is in between the flashback Stan had in the 1st chapter. AND THIS CHAPTER IS A FILLER AND I HATE IT SO SORRY IF ITS BAD!! ALSO ITS ONE MONTH AFTER THE KISS

(1 month later)  
Since that kiss, Richie swore the nights were dragging on longer. He could never sleep anymore, and when he finally had the chance to rest his tired eyes, dreams of Eddie being his boyfriend; the couple he always wished they would someday become. On the bad nights, Richie would wake up, almost in tears on how real his imagination made it feel. He was far beyond in love with his best friend. It was getting so bad that if anyone even showed the slightest bit of romantic interest for Eddie in school, Richie would with, or distract Eddie right in front of the newfound enemy. Pangs of jealousy and an overprotective nature over the shorter boy would erupt in his stomach, sending him into a shit mood for the rest of the day if his distraction attempts were deemed unsuccessful. Any drop of attention or interest Eddie showed to Richie was something he thought was absolutely worth holding onto.

Sometimes Eddie would lecture Rich for being rude about the situation Eddie was oblivious to, but Richie couldn’t care less. As far as he was concerned, Eddie was still very single; up for grabs. But Eddie was not an easy target. Not even for Richie, who has gotten him to blush countless times. Eddie was feisty and a quick talker. He had quite a threatening aura for a boy his size. And that’s just at the start of the long list of “why Richie loves his dear Ed’s more than he probably should” as Stan so generously liked to call it. 

Richie liked to think that he was perfect for Eddie. Their major difference in personalities may crash a lot, but that’s why their bond is so special. Eddie taught Richie the benefits of self-care and cautiousness while Richie showed Eddie the benefits of letting loose and taking risks when necessary. The two boys unlikely bond formed and the connection strengthen with every day they were around each other.

So seeing Eddie so willingly share moments like those with someone else like the kiss never happened made Richie’s heart sting and break. He knows he should stop being a bitch and ask him about how he truly feels but Rich felt as Eddie should initiate the conversation since it was him who kissed Richie after all.

Richie truly did not know where to go or who to go to from here. It doesn’t help his options are quite limited anyway. Bill and Stan are clueless as fuck about each other so they’re immediately crossed off the list, Mike is aware of what’s happening but he has no advice to give, having not ever been in a relationship of his own, Ben is focusing most of his time on a particular red headed girl he probably wouldn’t be much help either, and Beverly, well.

Surprisingly, Richie didn’t know a whole lot about Beverly. Besides her home life, fears and accomplishments he didn’t know what was behind all that. And the same goes for her. Only Stan has seen Richie truly break under a mask he kept hiding under for so long. He almost had a breakdown in front of Eddie once. It hurt sometimes.

Before his cruel mind could think of anyone else, Richie found himself walking along the eerie streets of Derry Maine over to Beverly’s small apartment. When he got there, it seemed dead; abandoned like no one has been there for maybe years. “Did she move or something and not tell us?” Richie though and started panicking. He realised he was acting like and Eddie and told himself to get his shit together. Beverly wouldn’t have moved- everyone’s just probably asleep; though it was midday. He looked up to the set of windows and began climbing the green stairs to his only girl friends house.

Richie looked into Beverly’s window to see it was unlocked. Bev was on her bed, reading what looked like a poem. Richie smiled knowing who it was from. Beverly smiled too; she held the piece of paper close to chest, wrinkling it a little bit. It was cute, but Richie had no time to spare.  
“Ahem, this is cute and all but it’s been like 4 minutes how have you not seen me yet?”

Beverly screams in surprise and threw the poem behind her. She quickly shoved it under her legs and glared at Richie so hatefully she resembled Stanley. “What the fuck Richiard! Can’t you warn me next time you fucking- oh my shit you gave me one hell of a heart attack. You better have a good excuse to why you had to scare me like that!” , she lectured him in one breath. God it was like taking to Eddie.  
talking to Eddie he thought. That’s why I’m here isn’t it?

“Sorry Molly”, he said smiling dopely. He crawl through her narrow window and joined her on the bed. He sighed and looked at her, his natural goofy grin fading off of his face. Beverly’s glare disappeared off her face too when she saw Richie’s unfamiliar expression. The only time she ever saw him like this is when Pennywise was tormenting him in the Neilbolt house with Eddie’s somewhat corrupted body and using it against him.  
Eddie. She thought suddenly, striking her why he looked so upset. It’s about him isn’t it?   
She tuned to him to see if he could think what she was thinking. To her surprise, he could.

“You probably know why I’m here,” Richie said sadly running his fingers through his unruly hair. “It’s just- I just, I didn’t know who to go to” Beverly quickly got up off her bed and ran to her drawers. Richie looked confused at her sudden departure but he didn’t say anything. Instead he watched her every move, curious of what she was getting. Richie was beyond thankful when he saw what it was.

Bev leapt back to her spot on her bed and handed Richie a much needed cigarette. He took it thankfully without hesitation and she handed him a lighter. After he was done, she lit hers. Smoking might be bad but it was an escape and if anyone needed to leave reality right now, it was Richie. “You’re my angel Bev” he said puffing our smoke with every word. She smiled and blew out smoke which formed as a circle. Both watched how it floated across the room, only to become nothing when it went too close to the window. Richie repeated her motion and watched his puff of smoke graciously make its way before disappearing into nothing.

It was silent. It was nice. 

Beverly eventually broke it. “I know who sent you here,'' she started, letting her mind linger on her words, “but I don’t know why he sent you here. And I’ve never seen you so… so,” she stopped, unable to think of an emotion to describe her friend. “ so lost.” She settled with. Richie looks longingly out the window, taking in her words. He knew if he explained, if he let loose of the bottled up emotions, Beverly would have to watch Richie Tozier break. Just like how IT tried to. How he tried using a version of Eddie to break his consciousness and trick him. But he could trust Bev. She wasn’t manipulative. No matter how fierce she may come off as, she was kind too.

He sighed. “ I guess I should start from the beginning huh.” Richie took a deep breath and began explaining everything from when he discovered his feelings for his friend to when they kissed to the present. Beverly’s facial expression changes throughout the explanation, but she didn’t face him when she did. Though she DID face him when he told her what happened after he came out. “You kissed him a moNTH AGO?!” She screamed so loud Rich covered his ears. “ Why didn’t you tell me! I would’ve been so ecstatic! But now I’m just mad,” she exclaimed, folding her arms. Richie stuck his hands up in defence. The only person who knows besides Bev was Stan, but he wasn’t telling her that. “Anyways , I’ve cooled off now, finish.” She said.

He was silent for a moment. Thinking of what he should say after that. He looked up, his bottom lip quivering. Beverly unfolded her arms, ready to hug him if needed. “Am I doing something wrong Beverly? Am I not worth his time? I just- I love him Beverly and I can’t lose him! Not again…” he trailed off, fresh tears softly dripping off his clear face. She bit her lip and pulled him into a tight hug, her long fair arms curling around his neck, pushing his face into her bare shoulder. His arms respectively fell on to her curvy waist, as he hugged her back just as tight. 

God knows he needed it. Releasing all of the hurt and the problems he’s been running from felt good. He finally felt okay and safe. He finally felt like he had someone he can always talk to when he has problems with Eddie. All his friends contributed to help him somehow. He goes to Stan when he feels unsafe in his house, to Bill’s when he needs a hand in school, to Ben for studying, to Mike or moral support, to Eddie for someone to vent too when Stan or Mike are busy, and from now and onwards, to Beverly about his problems with Eddie.

She pulled him even tighter when she heard him let out a weak sob of defeat. 

“Hey it’s okay it’s okay! I think I can take a wild guess to Eddie’s somewhat cruel motives..” she whispered into his ear. He looked up at her pretty face and tilted his head in confusion. Beverly just smirked.

“Richie”, she said, her smirk widening.” Rich I think he’s trying to make you jealous! That’s why he’s been hanging around the guys all the time. If he was unsure if you truly liked him then he would obviously test you! It’s Eddie for Christ sake Richie. You of all people should know how to make someone green with envy. He did it to you all the time so he’s finally getting revenge on you!” Bev clapped her hands in excitement at what she had come up with.

Richie’s sobbs subsided as he looked at her in disbelief. And for the first time in a while, he smiled. A real smile. It all made sense and Rich looked at her like she was a god.

“Bev! That makes-it makes..,” he sputtered out unable to form words at the realisation she had thrown at his face. “ I’m so glad I came to you. Thank you so much I- I just, thanks.”

Beverly shared a similar grin, her cheeks blushing. “Even better,” she continued, “ You remember our sleepover right?” Richie raised an eyebrow. “Yeah I remember, Bill only said something about it like last week.”

“Well maybe you should confront Eddie there, ya know, let me play matchmaker!” She laughed and winked at him. Richie grimaced. Great he thought, now everyone’s gonna know, if they don’t already.

“ANyways!” Rich announced, pushing the thoughts away, “Its getting late Nancy and I know you have a lot of cases to break so I must be going. Though I will call if I see any suspicious behaviour.” 

Beverly laughed at this. She give him a long sigh of relief afterwards. “Bye Trashmouth, oh and try talking to him tomorrow!” She called out.

But Richie had already left.


	4. Unfair game his forced to play

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was 3:00 am when Stan suddenly woke up from a loud ringtone. He snapped his head towards his phone and saw he had a message from his one and only. Stanley groaned at the time, but smiled about who the message was from. But the happiness over who sent the message didn't stop him from feeling agitated about being woken up at this ungodly hour.

“You really thought I meant that? Oh please, Richie, it was a pity kiss.”

”What? No! You said that…you initiated the kiss!”

”Yeah, out of pity for your low self-confidence. Do you really think I would like you? Like Richie fucking Tozier? Oh never! You're nothing but a disgusting pervert with an egotistical sense of shitty humour. The losers even told me that they find you annoying. They only stick around and bother to put up with you because they feel like they HAVE too!

”E’ds…….”

”Beep Beep asshole! Only my boyfriend can call me pet names. You possess so many flaws Rich. It's a wonder your parents best the shit out of you every night.”

“Shut up! Just please shut up, you're not really Eddie! He wouldn't say stuff like that. He...he wouldn't. I know him better than anyone!

”If you knew me so well, then why am I saying these things? Do you want me to lie Richie? I don't lie, unfortunately for you.”

”Please wake up….”

”You can't wake up from reality Richie.”

”Please…..”

”Maybe your parents would love you more if you were at an adoption centre. Maybe Henry would respect you if you were dead. Maybe the Losers would accept you if you weren't a coward. Maybe I would be your friend if you weren't a fairy. A fucking faggot.”

______________________________

The clock ticked like an everlasting time bomb as Richie woke up quivering and shaking. His big eyes bleached red from his subconscious crying. Dreams like that were a constant recurrence; sending Richie into a spiral of panic attacks which woke him up on bad nights. Tonight's nightmare, however, was particularly harmful to Richie. A somewhat corrupt version of Eddie was always the antagonist and called Rich some awful names. But never a faggot. Richie was used to hearing it, it wasn't an infrequent word. But when it came from his first love, was enough to make Richie's insides drop to the bottom of his body.

Richie lowered his head into his hands and let hot tears fall through his fingers. It was 1:23 am on a Saturday. The sky was as pitiless as the bottom of the jewel sea. Stars were outshining each other, gleaming through his open window. A brush of a summer breeze blew swiftly through his unruly curls, making Richie lift his head in slight surprise.

I swear I shut that window

Richie wiped the tears away and slowly got out of bed, quietly shuffling to the pane to shut it. Whenever he had bad dreams, he would always stare out the window into nothingness, praying to anything hoping someone is out there listening to his pleas and cries. He knows nobody there. Nobody is listening. But does it hurt to have hope?

Hope

Richie hoped for a lot of things. A broken family to be repaired, freedom from the hell his trapped in, and a place he could run to escape the horrors that are engraved in his scarred mind. He especially hoped for a person who could change everything. A person who he’d do anything for. A person who’d make Richie feel like he was finally okay when he was around them.

The only view Richie had out his open window was the ordinary houses he rode past every day. Never changing. They were bland; no characteristic. Sometimes, the aura the houses gave off was a feeling of death. The feeling somehow pulled you closer, like it wanted to show you something. Only for the place to close in around you, creating the illusion of it being inescapable. 

Someone across the street had their lights on, but Richie couldn’t bring himself to care. He only remembered when he woke up about the inevitable sleepover with the losers he was forced into. He tried so badly to get out of it with any excuse that came to the top of his mind,but no one bought his feeble lies. Rich loved his friends, but he hasn’t had a real conversation with Eddie since that day in the hammock. The losers bombarded Stan with questions on why Richie was avoiding Eddie, but the Stan couldn't tell them because he knew as much as they did.

Eddie

Eddie and Richie surprisingly haven't spoken in a while. It was conflicting for both because Richie was afraid he did something wrong while Eddie figured out what he truly wanted. But neither of them said anything, out of fear of ruining what they had kept alive for so long. Richie thought about how awkward it is at lunch sometimes. God, it made Richie cringe on how contentious Eddie might get if Richie brought up that happened that night in front of everyone. At a sleepover no less. But how the hell was Richie supposed to catch Eddie completely alone?

And so he started planning. Richie promised himself that Eddie would be his when the night ends. He knows that Eddie likes him back. He knows that there's still something there, regardless of how little they talked; Richie could feel it still. Richie wanted a lot of things in this life, but he was never committed enough to truly chase the desires that he forever longed for. But this time was different. He would fight for this, no matter what gets in his way. Eddie was special to Rich, and he was not losing him. Not this time. Not ever again. It sounded possessive but Richie became more determined and protective over Eddie after IT tried to fool Richie and make him vulnerable by manipulating a dead clone of Eddie. 

It was time to beat his nightmares in this unfair game he was forced to play. 

____________________________  
Warning: very fluffy 

It was 3:00 am when Stan suddenly woke up from a loud ringtone. He snapped his head towards his phone and saw he had a message from his one and only. Stanley groaned at the time, but smiled about who the message was from. But the happiness over who sent the message didn't stop him from feeling agitated about being woken up at this ungodly hour. 

B- is your window unlocked

S- Why do you care?

B- just check

S- Desperate much? Anyways yeah it is.

S- But you still haven’t answered my question.

B-....

S- What are you doing Bill.

B- im outside your window

S- Dude.

S- it’s 3:07 on a Saturday morning. You couldn’t be outside my window 7 hours from now?

B- please let me in it’s kinda cold and I feel like I’m being watched

B- besides I couldn’t sleep :p

S- Why does everyone come to me with their insomnia problems?

B- those who have more experience give better advice

S- Fuck you 

B- maybe soon ;)))))

B- can you let me in now¿?

Read 3:08 am

Stan rolled his eyes and ignored his faint blush and walked over to his blinds. He lifted the window to see Bill smiling at him. He was wearing a hoodie and sweats while Stan was only in a long shirt with shorts because everything else was in the wash for some reason. He grinned at Bill and lowered a rope Mike made for them so they could get into each others houses if the front door wasn't an option.

Kind of for an occasion like this.

Bill climbed in a short amount a time and tried to get in quietly. But of course he slipped over and took Stan with him. A thump echoed in the house and the boys stopped giggling and went dead silent. Stan could hear that his father had gotten up to inspect the mystery. Stan moved faster than the speed of light. He shoved Bill in the closet and jumped into bed without making a slight noise.

Bill was, to say the least, impressed at the stealthiness of his ”friends” quick thinking. 

Stan’s father pushed open the door and looked around his son's room. Stanley was silently worrying. Nothing ever got past Donald Uris. He just always seemed to know when Stan was up to something. Donald scanned the room and saw the closet opened slightly. Without even turning over, Stan knew his Dad was suspicious. He silently hoped Bill would go invisible.

Donald was inching closer with his hand out, ready to snatch the closet door open at any minute and reveal the reason why it wasn't closed properly. Bill was slowly moving further into the wardrobe, wishing that at any minute it would turn into a doorway that leads into a hiding place. But no such luck. Fortunately, Stan’s clothes weren't too bright so Bill’s oversized hoodie (that Stan was probably going to steal later), blended in with the articles of bland clothing hanging on coat hangers. Donald reached and yanked the door wide open to reveal…..nothing but shirts.

Stanley held his breath and prayed to whatever god was out there to have mercy on Bill if he was to be found. 

And God answered

Donald slowly walked out cautiously, occasionally turning his head back from Stan to the closet. He eventually walked out and Stan sighed. For a long time. He didn’t even know he was holding his breath for that long. When he figured the coast was clear, Bill leaped out of the wardrobe, making as little noise as possible. He crawled onto the bed and sat next to Stan. Then, they both just quietly laughed. Normally, Stan would be pissed off that he nearly got in trouble, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. Bill had an effect on him. The others noticed it too. Stan was softer when Bill was around. His sharp remarks were turned to smiles and his pointed glares became blushes. It was like Bill’s aura was the kind of calm mindset Stan has so desperately needed. 

Bill changed too. He became more protective and comforting around Stan. If there were any sign of possible trouble, Bill would grab Stan by the shoulder or even sling his arm around his waist, almost possessively. It amazed the losers because Beverly was the only other person who had Bill act like that around them. 

It was a reflection of Richie and Eddie’s relationship yet, different.

Stan smiled tiredly as he pulled the blankets over them both. Bill sunk into the warmth of Stan’s skin and let the wave of reality wash over him like a beautiful breeze. Stan really was his. A relationship wasn’t established, but God knew it was something they both wanted. They’ve been in a ‘friends with benefits but no actual sex’ kind of relationship, but they both wanted more than that.

So why not start now?

“Uh Stah-s-Stan?” Bill whispered nervously.

“Yeah?”

“I- I just, well, oh-okay I need to as-ask you s-somet-thing”.

Stanley noticed the worsen in Bill’s stutter. He knew Bill was still taking speech therapy, and it was getting better. So he didn’t understand why Bill was stuttering so much.

Unless

“What is it Bill?”

Bill took a deep breath. He racked his brain for how to say what he wanted to say, and how to prevent the amount of stuttering that might happen. He just has to focus.

“S-Stan I-I.. it’s a bit weird to s-say our la-loud but it’s been at the back of my mind for a while.”

“We have all night.” Stan whispered simply.

Bill nodded and continued. “I -ahem- I want you to be able to tell me things. I know Richie is your go to and I rah-respect that completely, I just want you to know tha-that I’m here too if you ever need soh-someone to vent too.”

Stan noticed how bitter Bill sounded when he mentioned Richie being a go to. He couldn’t help but smile at Bill’s obvious jealousy. It was kinda funny.

“I know Bill, and I’m really grateful for that.”

“It’s n-not all.” Bill cleared his throat,

“I’ve probably ma-made it obvious buh-but I really f-fucking like you. More than I luh-liked Beverly. God, sh-she could never compare. You’re j-just so, so gorgeous and everything about you is soh-so, everything I’ve wished for.”

“When I broke up with Beverly, I sw-swore to myself I wouldn’t fall in love with anyone tha-that wasn’t anything like her, I just fell to deep for her. Buh-but you helped me get through it and I broke my own p-promise and fell in luh-love again with someone unexpected.”

You

“I wah-want more with you Stan. You meh-mean everything to me and I just, I just ca-can’t let you go as easy as her. You are so much more interesting a-and different that ahny-any person I’ve ever had my eyes on. I wouldn’t trah-trade anyone else for you.”

For the question meant to be asked

“Stan, will you go out with me?”

Stanley was holding his breath throughout Bill’s speech. He didn’t know what to say after something so heartfelt and meaningful. 

Bill rarely showed his feelings and emotions anymore. He was just as bottled as Stan now. As much as Stan needed someone, maybe Bill needed someone too….

Don’t say anything

Coincidentally, Stan unknowingly mimicked Beverly’s past movements by putting his right hand on Bill’s face. He smiled, and put his head on his chest. Bill’s heart pumped faster as Stan took a while to respond. But the answer was as clear as day.

“Yes”, Stan mumbled, “ I like you too.”

Bill grinned so wide it hurt his cheeks. In the heat of the moment, Bill lifted Stan’s face from his chest and kissed him like it was the oxygen Bill needed to survive. 

It was maybe a minute or two before Stan pulled away and snickered at the impulsiveness of his new boyfriend. Bill crookedly smiled in return. 

“Are you sleeping over?” 

Bill’s eyes lit up with excitement, but the shine faltered quickly.

“Can’t. Muh-Mom’s taking me ouh-out early tomorrow morning to geh-get stuff for the sleepover.” Bill grumbled irritably at the inconvenience. 

“It’s fine, I’ll see you then anyways”. 

“Goodnight Stan.”

“Night.”

Bill crawled out of the warm sheets to meet the cold air. He wandered over to the window, ready to climb down. 

Haven't you missed something?

Bill realised what he had forgotten and raced back to give Stan another kiss.

And a hug of course 

“I love you Stan”.

Stan wrapped his arms around Bill’s neck and cuddled into him. 

“I love you too.”

_________________________

11:49 AM SAT  
SLEEPOVER 4:00 TODAY

Richie was counting down the hours until he had to walk to the ever-dreaded sleepover. He woke up two hours ago (from the lack of sleep), only to be reminded of what was to come. He had millions of questions.

What if this backfires?  
Will he humiliate me?  
What if I'm trying too hard?  
Why was Bill with Stan that late last night?

He racked his brain for answers, but none were to be given. He figured fate would be there by his side to help in whatever way it could. 

The sleep deprivation was catching up on Richie, absolutely destroying any motivation he might have had left. All the venomous thoughts crowded and circled his mind, making him lose concentration.

Focus on what’s important

Hours passed and time was getting shorter. Richie had his ideal plan sorted out in his head. But the plan going right was a long shot. 

God have mercy on my soul if this all goes to shit.

__________________

1:43 PM SAT  
SLEEPOVER 4:00 TODAY

Now Richie was getting uneasy. Nerves bubbles up and down in his stomach, threatening to let loose. Time was running short and Rich has gone over his ’plan’ more times than he could possibly count. The unsettling feeling almost shivered underneath his skin. If he was going to get Eddie by tonight, without turning back then so be it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the late update! I kinda lost motivation but I eventually got there. Last chapter WILL be the sleepover and reddie and stenbrough are THRIVING


	5. Peace in your violence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She paused in case he wanted to say anything, but the silence continued. Bev looked up. Stanley was cringing at what he heard. He was so disappointed in himself for making her feel excluded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys I’m completely forgetting what I said last time and a couple more chapters will be added before the sleepover for background

**Donald is an ass and there’s stenbrough and past billverly and Maggie somewhat redeemed herself but it’s not talked about too much because that’s for next chapter which will be reddie and Richie being protective:)**

**Stan is always sad in my fanfics get used to it **

Stan woke up around noon, surprised by how much sleep he got. He spent the rest of the time he had before the sleepover getting ready and reminiscing of the night prior. Bill’s warmth was an escape to bliss that Stan was sure he couldn’t live without. He remembered the days where he cried about Bill and Beverly’s relationship and wishing it were him. If only the past could see him now.

Beverly always loved Bill she really did. He was the first thing she thought about when she woke up to the last thought before she slept. If Bev’s were a fairy tale, she’d be Cinderella and Bill would be her Prince. But unlike fairy tales the two didn’t last long before things changed.

Bev always loved Stanley because he was different to the other losers. He always stood for what he believed in and put his friends health and safety before his. Stan was sweet and sarcastic and Beverly admired that.

But she wasn’t too fond of the idea of her ex (that she still loved) and her friend.

She didn’t know what Bill saw in Stan. Despite what I said earlier, her throughts wandered to dark places which dissed Stan completely. He was bland and weird. He liked bird watching and reading rather than living on the edge. He was quiet; he never told his friends how he felt or expressed his opinions or thoughts unless he was peer pressured too.

Half of the time Beverly didn’t even know he was there.

In spite of the fact he took her man, he was still her friend. And she couldn’t control who Bill or Stan loved. She had to remind herself everyday that it wasn’t Stanley’s fault. She confronted him about it and she found out a lot that she never knew:

**3 weeks beforehand **

Beverly walked up to Stan’s house, irritated and flummoxed. Bill broke up with Bev a few months and she was heartbroken. She didn’t understand  _ why  _ Bill broke up with her considering that he told everyone he would  _ never  _ love anyone that wasn’t her. He was so weird.

She marched up to Stan’s door, ready to ask him what the fuck was going on. She knocked a few times and patiently waited despite all the pent up emotions circling her stomach and making itself into words she was going to throw at him.

Not Stan but Stan’s father answered. Beverly has never seen Donald Uris until this moment. She shivered under his hard gaze.

She understood why Stanley never liked him much.

Donald had a sharp glare with pursed lips. He wore a shiny suit which was ridiculous considering it’s been hot, Bev though to herself.

His eyes trailed over Beverly’s fasique and he looked her in the eyes.

“Who are you?”

Beverly was surprised that she flinched as soon as he spoke. It was so  _ harsh _ . He reminded her too much of her own father. Maybe Stan and her both have something in common after all.

She regained her strength and spoke aloud to the man in front of her.

“I am Stan’s friend, Beverly Marsh,” she held her hand out to shake his, but he only raised an eyebrow.

Bev quickly retracted her hand.

“I’ve heard of you Miss Marsh, I do not need another introduction, I’ve heard quite a bit from your father.”

Beverly’s eyebrow raised as she swallowed her words. This man meant business.

She spoke, ignoring what she just heard, “I want to talk to Stan about something but I haven’t seen him for a while, is he perhaps busy now or can I see him?”

Donald squinted at her question and slowly nodded. He moved out of the doorway and let her through. She slowly walked in with quiet footsteps. He made her feel like if she walked to loudly, something would awaken.

It was only this moment when Bev realised she’s never  _ been  _ in Stan’s house before. It gave off a familiar aura which she was sensitive too. It was like the sewers and her father's house.

A  _ nightmare. _

How did Stan live here?

The walls were a bleak brown with tints of gray. Several paintings of what seemed like distorted photos of people from the past. One of them was just  _ eyes  _ and she swore they followed her. 

The house was big, double story with many doors, leading to rooms Beverly was keen to explore. Each one was darker than the next, making her curiosity sky rocket.

“Stan should be upstairs,” Donald said interrupting her thoughts, “Tell him that I’m leaving off with his cousins to the synagogue.”

Beverly turned around confused on why Stan wasn’t going too. 

Donald must've read her expression, “There was an ‘incident’ at the last event Stan went too and he is no longer welcome, in case you were wondering.” Donald slowly walked out of his door and shut it with a sharp  _ woosh. _

Beverly was left alone. 

She figured that Stan didn’t know she was here yet, so she had a bit of time to walk a bit and learn her way around her friends house. 

She walked into the first room and shivered when when a cool breeze hit her.

_ A cool breeze yet no windows _

It was dark,  _ very  _ dark. The room felt bad in Beverly’s stomach. It gave her a feeling of suspense like something unnatural was about to jump her.

Bev took a few more steps before her legs bailed and jogged out. She couldn’t believe the effect that room had on her. Something about it was just so 

_ off. _

Beverly walked into the room across from it and held the doorknob. The knob quivered and opened on its own accord. She stepped back, surprised by the sudden movement. The door shook the other way while Beverly just stared. The door gave off a reminiscing reminder of the Neilbolt house. The unease that came with it was nothing like the door before.

She bravely walked through, consistently looking behind and beside her. Just in case. The walls kept thinning and closed in for every step she took. 

Paintings were plastered in every free space of the long walls. The longer she looked, the more animated they became. The pictures moved and laughed with such realism that Beverly didn’t know if she was hallucinating. She squinted seeing if there was any possible solution of them popping out and chasing her. Bev turned away unable to look. There was a sudden noise of the door slamming and an unforgettable voice:

“ _ Sweet dreams Bevvie.” _

Beverly whipped around with wide eyes over what she just heard. Her father's voice was going through each ear, making her dizzy. It’s taken her years to finally escape her dads control, only for the horrors to crawl back into her life. The voices mocked her fears and laughed at her expense. All the things her father has said was repeating over and over and over.

She felt helpless.

Beverly tried running, but where would she go? The halls seemed like an endless maze of memories. Nightmares and dreams collided creating horrific stories of the past that were being written on the floor by nothing.

She turned, but she couldn’t find where the door was. Bev dropped to her knees, her screams overruling the screams from the walls. Her eyes were tightly shut, wishing away her current predicament.

Then, with her eyes still glued shut, she felt arms around her shoulders and someone pulling her.

Hard.

The noises were slowly disappearing as she was pulled away but her eyes weren’t opening no matter how hard she tried. The hands around her were soft and warm. The warmth was her escape from what she’s just seen. They reminded her of her mother.

“I can’t open my eyes, I can’t see! They’re glued or.. or something. I can’t see!” She whimpered. Her mystery angel answered.

It was Stanley that pulled her out. “It’s okay Bev it’s alright, they’ll open in a minute, just be slow”, his voice was soft and calming. Stan let go of her and she dropped out of his arms. He poured some water over her face and she opened her eyes and shot up. 

“He,hello?” 

Stan twirled her hair while she caught her breath. 

“Hey.”

She turned around to him. He had a somewhat sad look on his face. “I wish you didn’t have to see that.”

Beverly launched at him and tucked her face in his chest. She started to tear up. “It was so awful in that room!”, she cried, “I saw everything I’ve worked so hard to forget, I saw myself in the deadlights, I saw all of you die one by one while all I could do was scream and watch, I was chained to the ground and, and-!”

It hurt too much to finish. She gripped him harder, a little afraid to let go. Stan drew circles on her back, doing his best to calm her down. She eventually caught her breath and looked at Stan. Sympathy was painted on his face for the what she just went through. She got off of him and he stood up. Stanley ushered her upstairs to his room so she could be more comfortable. She followed, but stuck close by, not wanting to experience the lonely feeling again.

She walked in and fell on his bed and sprawled on it, taking all the room, exhausted from the previous events.

Stan made his way to his desk and simply sat and turned around towards her. He patiently waited until she felt like speaking.

She sat up with the energy she had left. “How do you live in the same house with a room like  _ that _ ?”

Stan’s face contorted into a sad smile. He looked at his knees and spoke, “You get used to it after a while. The room was my ‘punishment’ if I was a bad kid. My dad would force me to stay in there for hours until I screamed so much that I couldn’t talk. The horrors that fill that room are a living hell. You know the thing the Pennywise turned too?” Beverly winced at the mention of the clown that ruined their childhood, “Well Judith was in there, and she brought out the worst of me once she was done with me. She made me feel so  _ afraid  _ and  _ lost _ and  _ angry.  _ I felt helpless when I was around her so I began to take out my emotions on my dad, which got me into some deep shit. It was the first time I ever stood up to him about how I felt. He got  _ angry _ . I was terrified of him.”

“Later that month, he took me to my friends bar mitz fa and he had a speech. When he was up, he talked about how successful we were since, and I quote ‘that slut of a woman left’.”

Beverly looked at him. “ Slut of a woman? Who was he talking about? As someone who’s suffered that kind of smack, I know how it feels.”

Stan turned away, “My mother.”

She grabbed his hand and squeezed it tight. “Oh,” she whispered, “I’m so sorry.” 

“Don’t be.”

“Anyways, that was the day when I finally snapped. I ran from my seat and stole the microphone. He tried to get it off me but I pushed him away. I began to talk about my mother and what I remembered about her. Well, all that I could. I started talking about how my father treated her and real reason  _ why  _ she left. I had to keep walking away from him just to get away from him. If looks could kill, I would be dead on the floor.”

“I walked out when I was done. I was so sick of being pushed around by him.  _ ‘Oh Stan be a good boy’, ‘Oh Stan get good grades’ , ‘Oh Stan how dare you like boys and resent your religion, how dare you not have a beautiful Jewish girlfriend, your just like your mother’. _ My whole life I believed that his word was law and I had to obey. But I was finished with the beliefs and I became more ready than I’ve ever been to start my own life. He chose my future, future jobs, future wives, everything that I should’ve had my own control.”

“When we got home, he slammed the door and looked at me so harshly. The thing about my dad is that he doesn’t yell. He just stares and growls and drowns me in self doubt. Everything always ends up as my fault. So bad that it’s something I thought was normal. But not then. I was so drunk with pride when I finally stood up to him over something that’s been piling up in my stomach for so long. I told him I had enough. And be said the strangest thing;”

“ _ Stanley Uris, would you call me a bad or selfish father?” _

_ “ _ I turned away and started to walk out the door, the question made me feel small for some reason but I had no idea why. I was halfway out the door when he spoke again;”

“ _ Stan answer me.” _

_ “  _ Not even if I wanted too, I couldn’t force myself to look at him. I kept my eyes straight and tried to sound calm and collected as possible;”

_ “Not to your face.” _

_ “You’re weak.” _

_ “No, Im better, you’re afraid that I’ll be stronger and more powerful than you’ll ever be. I’m doing you a favour for not humiliating you more than you already have been.” _

_ “So goodbye dad. Thanks for taking away the last bit of childhood happiness that I had.” _

Beverly held her hands over her mouth. It was not something she expected from someone like Stan. These are the things that he bottles up for so long.

“If you said goodbye then-“

“Then why am I still here?”

Bev nodded.

“I had too, I wasn’t about to be a burden to all you and I had nowhere to go. Even though I’m proud of my speech, it partially backfired on me. Children Safety councils heard about how my dad was somewhat verbally abusive and put me back in there so I can report to them about what he says and does ect. I had no choice but to return. He saw me in the yard and asked me why I was back. I told him that it was none of his business. The last thing I heard from him was when he scoffed at my reason and I haven’t talked to him since.” 

“Oh Stan!”, Beverly whimpered, ”I wish you told us. You shouldn't feel like you’re our problem. Your a  _ loser! We’re all losers!  _ We confined in each other because we’re all  _ alike.  _ I promise you that we will do everything to help. Hey! We’ll even get you to swap every week between us! If we’re all smart we can sneak you in and-“

Stan laughed, cutting her off, “Bev don’t worry about me it’s okay. The worst thing to happen would be that the services take me away from you all. But that won’t be happening for a while, if it were too of course.”

Beverly smiled and nodded. Stan got up and offered to take her to the door to go home. She accepted and took his hand as comfort. 

Once they made it to the door, Beverly remembered  _ why  _ she came in the first place.

“Hey, Stan?”

Stan turned around to face her. She took both of his hands in her own. He cocked a confused eyebrow.

“The reason I came here in the first place, I just remembered.” She sighed, not keen on sharing something that might upset the already broken boy in front of her.

“Look I feel shit doing this but I have to be blunt with you. When Bill broke up with me I was absolutely shattered. He was my first boyfriend. He protected me from things i couldn’t take on my own. God he was good to me. The best first boyfriend I could ever ask for.”

“But he always talked about  _ you _ .”

“You were always the start and end of conversations for him. It was always  _ Stan this  _ and  _ Stan that  _ and I kind of started to resent you for it. If I being honest, I didn’t know what he saw in you. I became possessive and a bitch and I’m sorry for some of the things that I said to you that night Stan I promise I didn’t mean it, I just had no idea what you had and I didn’t. I wanted to be better friends with you after we broke up because obviously you had something special and we both have “daddy issues” according to Richie.”

Stan smiled at the mention. He remembered the times Richie said that to him when they discussed their home lives. 

“I tried not to think about it too much and I tried to ignore you, but it didn’t work. He sat next to you more, and I couldn’t help but feel like the third wheel to my own relationship entirely. Bill was supposed to be  _ my  _ boyfriend, so why was he ditching me for his friend? Well because he began to love  _ you. _ I saw it. I saw the way he teased you, and how he would look at you when you turned away. I couldn’t help but smile at what I saw, even if it was my boyfriend.”

She paused in case he wanted to say anything, but the silence continued. Bev looked up. Stanley was cringing at what he heard. He was so disappointed in himself for making her feel excluded.

“God Beverly I wish you said something!” groaned Stan unhappily. “I would’ve backed off immediately. In all honesty, I was trying to avoid him the best I could because I could see that you both weren’t hanging out as much and I knew that I would eventually catch feelings. The fact that it’s because of me has made me feel so shitty! Oh Bev I’m so sorry!” Stanley hid his hands in his face, embarrassed. 

“Hey, hey!” Beverly said calmly, catching his attention, “It’s okay, I was being a bitch about it and I’m over it now, please don’t overthink it.” 

Stanley looked up from his hands and eventually calmed down. Stan looked at her, flummoxed on how calm she was. 

“Thanks for being so, so  _ okay  _ with it,” he sighed, “I honestly didn’t know what I was going to do if you got pissed at me.”

Beverly laughed at Stan’s relief and hugged him. When she let go, she headed down the stairs. She looked back and said goodbye one final time before leaving. She was pleased with how the conversation had gone.

———-

Now Richie was getting uneasy. Nerves bubbles up and down in his stomach, threatening to let loose. Time was running short and Rich has gone over his ’plan’ more times than he could possibly count. The unsettling feeling almost shivered underneath his skin. If he was going to get Eddie by tonight, he needed to go now. Richie finally accepted the risks and without turning back, he packed his stuff for the two nights to come and left. 

He ran down the stairs and nearly tripped over. Richie remembered he doesn’t have to worry about being seen because it’s not like his parents are ever home. He went through the kitchen and attempted to make a quick sandwich for a small lunch before he left. That would be enough to fill him up for the time being. He left them in the sink and bolted to the door. But before he could run out, a familiar voice stopped him:

“Where are you going?” 

Richie whipped around at the voice and saw his Mother. Someone who he hasn’t had a real conversation with in years. Someone who’s lifestyle and addictions had a toll on her beauty and made her seemingly unrecognisable. It felt weird seeing her again. Maggie had bags under her eyes which never disappeared. She held a cigarette in her predominant hand and a small phone book in the other. She lazily smiled at her son and walked over to him. Richie surprised, did not say anything, but he walked backwards and tripped. Maggie dropped both of her belongings on the ground and caught him before he landed. 

Richie quickly scuttled out of her touch and grabbed the stuff he dropped. She looked down and smiled sadly. 

“So, where are you going.” She asked kindly again.

Richie’s insides boiled. She had the audacity to care about what he’s up to only after years when she would just disappear into thin air and not be seen by the human eye for ages. How  _ dare she  _ just, just do that!

Richie growled a little with his response of a simple “Why do you care?” It angered him to no end that she refused to look after him as a son for 16 years only for her to turn into a good guy when she  _ felt  _ like it. 

Maggie was not startled or flummoxed at her son's answer. He was at his own accord to be angry at her for her own choices and she couldn’t blame him. Richie didn’t grow up in a loving home. Rather then having abusive or strict parents, it was like he didn’t have any at all.

It was rare to see them ever.

She breathed in and took a puff at her cigarette and chucked it out the window. She blew out a smoke ring and looked at her son.

“I’m sorry,-“ but she was cut off.

“You can’t keep doing this to me! You say sorry but you don’t stop. How can you bother to ask me where  _ I’m  _ going and expect me to be chill about it when you leave for months at a time? Why do you and Dad just leave me like this? You could’ve given me a better life if you actually tried to be a fucking parent! A mother for christ's sake!”

**  
**   


“You and Dad would only come back to make me feel shitty about my mistakes and watch me at my lowest points. Watch me fall and fall down into paths I so desperately tried to avoid. And none of you ever  _ comforted  _ me or  _ hugged  _ me or did anything at all to help me make sure it’s okay!” 

“Why did you do it? Why didn’t you stick up for me and help me like a mother should when dad was at his worse? When he would  _ fucking hit me?!  _ Did it not occur in your, your  _ fucked up  _ brain that you could of stopped it? Did you even care?”

Maggie was silent. 


	6. Well kept secrets are in plain sight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I keep on stalling reddie hahah whoops  
this is a filler; non proof read, you have to read it if you don’t want too.

**I was listening to x Ambassadors and NF so I got a bit emo ngl**

**Tw- past abuse and distraught and cute reddie :,)**

  
  


Maggie was silent.

Richie was beyond devastated. He poured his  _ heart _ out to her and all he got was a blank stare. Not even the slightest reaction or movement that she had taken into consideration of what her abandoned son had bottled up all his life.

Richie Tozier was not one to break easily. Similar to some certain losers, he had plenty of walls up. Not only did they make him less vulnerable, but they secured his mentality from being scarred by his own fears and dreams. It most definitely wasn’t healthy, but it was Richie’s only alternative to coping. 

To Richie’s luck, right now was different.

He was too  _ tired  _ to hide from his problems. His problems were staring into him. He couldn’t take the feeling of rejection as a son and knowing that he wasn’t enough.

Why bother asking everyone else for their acceptance when not even your mother will? 

He fell to his knees.

The lack of motherly love left a gaping hole in his heart that was filled with emotions he couldn’t bare to try to control. A hypnotic state was Richie’s only possible escape. A state of mind that Rich would escape too when everything else closed around him. A delusion he dreamed perhaps.

He fell too far to be able to escape. He couldn’t run to his preferred mindset.

Because it came to him.

His eyes were blurry from his warm tears flooding his face. But he could  _ definitely  _ see what was happening.

Maggie walked towards the seemingly unfixable boy that was stranded in front of her. She bent down to match his height on the ground and brought his face up from his knees with her hands. She cupped his tear stained cheeks and kisses his forehead. Then she whispered three words that Richie hasn’t heard from her.

Ever.

“I’m sorry Rich.”

She hugged him firmly. Her warmth had the effect of goosebumps because of the unfamiliarity. Richie buried his face in her neck and hugged back. 

“I’m scared mom, I’m so fucking scared.”

“Hey Rich i know, it’s gonna be okay, your going to be fine I promise you this time.” Maggie knew how weak her only son felt when he was around his parents. She only imagined a better life for him, disappointed that she couldn’t provide one. 

Wentworth really did a number on his son. Some scars were still there. He left Richie distraught with no where to run. Maggie did nothing, unable to intervene when Wentworth was at his worst. She would stay in the kitchen when she heard the slaps and snaps she would wince. But Richie would be dead silent. She never knew why he never made any noise of signify any pain but now she does. 

Richie desperately didn’t want to known as  _ weak _ . He couldn’t let himself be afraid of something of his dad when there was supernatural beings to be worried about. He couldn’t let himself be vulnerable. Richie believed he had to be strong. 

For himself.

For his friends.

_ For Eddie.. _

Richie whole heartily believed that Eddie was the reason he was still here. He gave Richie the  _ need to protect  _ someone from all the pain that  _ he  _ had to go through his whole life. Richie is the only child so unlike Bill, doesn’t have a younger sibling to protect. Before he met his Eddie anyway. 

Maggie knew about Eddie. She knew what her son felt about the peculiar small boy. She remembered when she went to pick him up from the quarry when she saw them hug. She especially saw Richie’s face afterwards. He was blushing profusely as he ran to the car and didn’t say anything to her. Not that she tried to start a conversation anyway.

She decided to bring it up now that Richie was calming down.

“So,” she started, “Kaspbrak huh? How you gonna get him past his overbearing mother?”

Richie flushed and stirred in her grip. “ Hehe well, I’ll just have to bribe her, you know?”

“Bribe her?”

Richie wiggled his eyebrows and winked at his mother. Maggie rolled her eyes and playfully messed up his hair. He laughed with her.

He’s never done that before. Not with  _ her. _

_ Not for a long time. _

Maggie realised how much she missed her son being happy. His smile was a gorgeous gift she hope that Eddie won’t take for granted. It was priceless in her eyes.

Her eyes fell. She wasted that because she was afraid to be in her sons burdens. Or even worse apart of them. She believed that if she disappeared to outer surface of Richie’s life then he’d be okay. But no. This whole time he desperately needed moral support from a motherly figure. And she  _ wasn’t there.. _

“It’s okay now mom. Thanks for coming back to me.”

“Of course Richie, I may have not said it but you do mean everything. I’m sorry I wasn’t there. I promise I’ll do better for the last years I have you..”

Richie smiles gratefully and hugged her one last time. He quickly stood up and rushed to get his stuff that he dropped. Before he left, Maggie had something to say:

“Rich?”

“Yup?” He answered with a pop.

“Promise me you’ll bring Eddie over?”

Richie blushes and waved it off. “We’re not dating but whatever.”

“And Rich?”

“Yeah?”

“ _ I love you.” _

_ “I love you too.” _

Richie smiles widely and ran out the door after waving goodbye. He walked out of the house with the best feeling. He finally made peace with his mother and she promised to be there for him. 

_ Richie’s glad he stuck around.. _

_ ——— _

Richie walked towards the Denbrough residence with a heart full of determination and excitement. From the past and the future.

He discussed with himself his plan to ask Eddie out with he was interrupted when someone jumped on his back.

Richie whipped around but the person on his back covered his eyes.

“Guesss whoooooo?”

“Hi Bev!”

Beverly laughed a little and lifted her hands. She got off of him and gave him a hug. “You’re awfully happy, what’s up Tozier?” 

Rich grinned at the mention. “Nooooothing.”

Bev smirked. “So what’s the plan?”

“Plan?” Richie said flummoxed.

Beverly didn’t answer.

Richie was about to ask again when she screamed an all too familiar name;

“Eddie!”

Richie jumped and whipped around to see the one and only. Eddie walked up to them happily and grinned at his best friends.

Bev waved. “Hey guys!” Eddie smiled. 

“Hey Eddie Spaghetti, hows your mother. Legend goes you can still hear her-“ Eddie interrupted by putting his hand over Richie’s mouth and giggled and rolled his eyes.

“Beep beep Richie, not today.”

Richie, flustered decided to do the only logical thing.

He licked Eddie’s hand.

Eddie’s face went from giddy to disgusted as he quickly took his hand away and wiped it on Richie’s chest.

“Gross dude! I  _ just  _ sanitized my hands for the  _ third time today!”  _ You know how long it takes?”

Richie only smirked out of the successful reaction he got. Beverly rolled her eyes and quietly laughed to herself. ‘They really are meant to be together’, she thought

While the three continued to walk to Bill’s house, ran into the others also making their way.

Ben and Stan ran up to them shortly after  _ the conversation  _ and started to tickle the boys as a prank.

It went well if you were curious.

Mike joined shortly after them when he saw them walk past. He quickly said bye to the animals and left to his friends.

All six kids ran excitedly ran like obnoxious children. It brought a simple joy to them about feeling like young kids again.

After a few knocks (from Stan), The Denbrough door nearly whipped open. Bill was on the other side of course. He greeted his friends and led them to his room.

Everyone was sprawled in Bill’s bedroom. Stan and Eddie were back to back reading Richie’s stolen comics. Mike was at Bill’s desk finishing off some homework to help him catch up with the rest. Bill and Richie were in a heated discussion about dinosaurs; “ _ Well William, there was no proof that dinosaurs didn’t have hair since it doesn’t fossilise therefore dinosaurs could’ve looked like Wednesday Adams! Or-or even Marilyn Monroe! Or even Freddie Mercury but we’d never know, ya know?” _

_ “Richie you fuh-fucking idiot.” _

Ben and Beverly were closer to the two boys and surprisingly blocked out their banter quite well. Mike looked over them and laughed at the couples skill. It was something you couldn’t teach.

While Bill went on discussing about their wild Stone Age philosophies, Richie unsurprisingly zoned out from the conversation and started at looking at Eddie reading. He looked calm and collected, the calmest he might have ever been. His tongue stuck out slightly as he turned his page with caution. He neatly folded the page to read for later and closed the book, putting it carefully on the carpet. Eddie leaned on Stanley for back support and just simply stared at the ceiling fan that seemed to spin for eternity. Eddie’s brown innocent doe eyes found Richie’s. They sparkled with childhood curiosity, the smile that he gifted Richie with matched perfectly. 

Eddie’s childhood was brutally taken away from him. Sonia Kaspbrack forced Eddie to become physically attached to various types of medicines which psychologically impacted his emotions and self esteem. He healed over time, but there’s always things that you could never forget. Eddie, like the other losers, still had demons hidden away out of pure embarrassment.

The pills made Eddie’s body hit puberty later than the others. He hadn’t grown a fucking inch since god knows when, he wasn’t sexually mature, and his voice was still far too high then what it should be at 15. He felt humiliated almost all the time when something even so small reminded him about how far behind he is opposed to his friends. 

All the boys beside Stan and Eddie already had lower voices, Beverly was slowly transforming into a woman and Stan had transformed his clothes from his normal khaki to modern clothes. That was a big step for him. For pennywise's sake Mike had even started to grow a very invisible moustache. 

But Eddie? Eddie was still wearing polos and shorts, he wasn’t a man and his voice was high pitched. His face was clean and spotless, besides the thousands of freckles painted on his face.

Despite the compliments, Eddie  _ hates  _ his freckles. They made look like a never ending dot to dot drawing on a colouring book, or a messy little kids painting that they accidentally sat on afterwards. His freckles were splattered over the bridge of his nose and spread all the way to his ears. He hated them so much. But oh did Richie love them. 

As much as he made fun of Eddie for them, despite matching with freckles , Richie would want nothing more but to lay next to him and count them.

On late nights Eddie often found himself releasing inner thoughts to Rich. But only whenever these thoughts brought him down. Eddie didn’t know why, but it just felt right to talk to him out of everyone. Bill was Eddie’s very first and forever best friend, but Richie could  _ understand  _ him in a way Bill couldn’t.

They would talk for  _ hours.  _ They hours they spent together established a connection that would never break.

The conversations always had meaning, a purpose. To help each other with what seemed helpless. 

It was a bond that never teared even though thick and thin.

And both will always be forever grateful.

——-

  
  


Richie was unfortunately brought back to reality by his friends coaxing him off the bed to help with preparations for the “losers last meal”, Beverly called it.

_ Truly the last? _

The dinner ran quite smoothly.

Well almost.

“ _ Beverly could you pass the salt?” _

_ “Sure Mike.” _

_ “Bev put Stan down.” _

_ “But you wanted the salt?” _

_ “So everyone lets exchange jokes!” _

_ “Pl-please no.” _

_ “Come on Big Bill, it will be fun!” _

_ “F-for who?” _

_ “I JUST WANT US LOSERS TO BE LIKE A HAPPY WHITE FAMILY!” _

_ “Like, in the pasta commercials?” _

_ “WHY IT GOTTA BE WHITE HUH?” _

_ “Here we go.” _

_ “Ew there’s corn I fucking hate corn.” _

_ “What do you ha-have against coh-corn?” _

_ “It’s c o r n!” _

_ “Oh you like history Mike? Tell me everything that’s ever happened.” _

_ “S-so St-stan what do you tha-think?” _

_ “Oh I wasn’t listening but I strongly disagree with Richie.” _

_ “I see how it is.” _

_ “ _ Alright everyone, POV time”, Mike started, interrupting their argument, “Your in court for committing several crimes and are sentenced to death, ONLY if you cannot come up with a valid reason why you did you sinful crimes. Go!”

“Peer pressure.” Said Ben.

“A dare.” Said Beverly.

“Your honour, I simply did not vibe with it™.”

Said Richie confidentiality.

Stan rolled his eyes, “Well Richie’s dead.”

“What’s yours then?”

Stan tutted. “Bringing in your crippling self esteem might work. Or just have a good fucking lawyer.”

“I agree with Stan. Def-definitely pity.” Bill cleared his throat.

“My mom said no.” Eddie said without even looking up from his plate.

“Oh dear me.” Mike said, “You’re all sentenced to death.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	7. Richie’s Best

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stan bent and Eddie leapt on Stan’s back and wrapped his arms around his neck. The small boys’ legs wrapped tightly around Stan’s midsection like a vine. Richie’s stomach flamed with covetousness. Richie was fueled with jealousy to take Stan down just from the sight. Stanley gave Eddie a pillow and himself one. They were ready for battle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg, I'm finally done! Thanks so much for sticking with me with story, I had so much fun writing it! I need to work on my characterisation in the future but for now I’ll leave it at that. I hope you enjoyed my book <3 love you all

**They’re are all on the couch except Mike. This is relevant later in the story.**

_ Longing flowed through Richie’s veins and pulsed madly to his heart, resulting in his face flushing furiously. The euphoria made Rich tremble with both fear and delight. His brain told him not to ruin it with his desirable thoughts, but his heart listened not. Every dream and every nightmare to every joy and every pain was standing firmly in front of him. A faint sound of their heartbeats was pounding against the skin of both boys. Eddie looked at him with afire glistening in his dark eyes, widening at the sudden intimacy. Eddie bit his tongue. A peculiar aura filled the air of thick tension. But it was more of a comfort feel than a lust one.. _

_ ——— _

_ 10:32 pm _

_ Saturday  _

Dinner ended with Mike having to hold Beverly back from completely annihilating Richie with a plastic plate after he continually pushed her to her last nerve with jokes not even she could handle.

The Losers crowded in Bill’s lounge room with their belongings. Stan and Eddie attempted to spread their sleeping bags neatly against the carpet, but not before Richie nabbed their pillows and pelted them with the feathery mess. Eddie cowered and hid behind Stan. Richie’s known Stanley long enough to know that he doesn’t take shit from Richie when it comes to his immaturity. As Stanley was just as competitive. In a mature way of course. Stan grabbed a handful of pillows and gave a few to Eddie. Eddie quickly shook his head “no” but after Rich saw Stan whisper something into his ear and smirk, Richie knew he was fucked. 

Stan bent and Eddie leapt on Stan’s back and wrapped his arms around his neck. The small boys’ legs wrapped tightly around Stan’s midsection like a vine. Richie’s stomach flamed with covetousness. Richie was fueled with jealousy to take Stan down just from the sight. Stanley gave Eddie a pillow and himself one. They were ready for  _ battle. _

The rest of the losers ultimately decided to go against Richie, knowing they could use his loss to his advantage.

“So this is how it’s gonna be huh,” Richie said looking around at the gang slowly circling him.

Eddie mocked his solitude with smug, “You’re going down Trashmouth!” Stan laughed along.

But Richie wasn’t going down without a fight.

“Alright you guys, let’s fairly play here.” He slowly walked back. The with the quick reflexes he was blessed with, Richie stole Ben’s pillow instantly, gracefully spun to Bill and hit him in the stomach, taking his breath away.

Bill shot back a hit on the shoulder knocking Richie back. Mike attempted to tackle Richie but Richie was too quick and whipped around to face Mike’s back and jumped on him. He pushed his weight on Mike forward and made him fall into Bill and Ben, but not before he jumped off.

Beverly took her revenge on the jokes by thinning the pillowcase and swiftly putting it around Richie’s eyes like a mask. He struggled, but he overtook her with strength as he slipped out of it and picked her up. She screamed and laughed as he spun her around, making her dizzy. When he put her down, she was immensely dizzy and lost her balance, crashing into Ben.

Bill quickly got up from under Mike and joined Richie’s “team”.

“I’ll ja-join you Rich! Let’s t-take them dowh-down!”

“Ahead of you Big Bill.”

Richie climbed on Bill’s back and he ran towards the last two standing.

Eddie and Stan have been watching the whole ordeal unfold before they took their turn of attack. When they saw Rich and Bill speed towards them, they grabbed their pillows and held in defence.

The 4 boys collided. Pillow fluff and flew around the corners of the room as the boys crashed. Eddie was sent toppling after Richie basically tackled Stan. Bill quickly jumped off and grabbed Stan and pulled him up by his underarms from underneath Eddie and Richie. 

Richie was over the smaller boy as he brushed out the fluff from his hair. Eddie copied.

”Heh, heh.” Eddie was panting quite heavily. It was a lot for his tiny body. ”Gee, can you tackle us and harder? This ain't the AFL! I'm not a footy ball!”

”Sorry.” Richie said, ”You know how it goes don't ya? When your ball is with another player you have no choice but to play and take what's rightfully yours.”

”Well what the fuck does that mean-?”

Eddie didn't get a chance to finish his sentence of obliviousness before Richie attacked him with tickles to his hips.

Eddie nearly yelled with annoyance and laughter before attempting to kick Richie off, which of course didn't work.

Mike pulled Richie off Eddie and Eddie shot up and tried to tackle him again but Mike held them both off each other.

For now.

”Calm down Rich your gonna kill him.”

“He’ll be fine, he loves it!”

“I hated it! With a goddamn passion!”

“Love you too Eddie Spaghetti.”

————

As the night got later and lights dimmed, the losers settled on binging  _ Coronation Street,  _ an old school classic, as their parents would’ve said.

The house was cold. It mimicked a feeling of solitude and an unfamiliar sensation that leaked into the air.

It was a feeling the losers were very sensitive too.

So each loser cuddled up with each other as a way of comfort and warmth. 

Ben immediately took this as a chance to snuggle with Bev, which she highly appreciated. She always thought of Ben like a warm marshmallow, it made her fuzzy inside when he let her head rest on his shoulder as he threw a blanket over them.

Mike as the solitary man that he was settled on a thick fluffy blanket and the lounge chair as his comfort. He was snug where he was and wouldn’t have it any other way. He laid back and enjoyed the movie as he peacefully started to drift.

Stan looked as cosy as he felt. He had two blankets on, (one with birds of course) and was in the middle of everyone. A little cramped but it would do. 

Bill however, wanted Stan with  _ him  _ instead so he grabbed Stanley bridal style from his place on the couch as Stan stiffly protested. Bill strided back to his spot with the boy in his arms and got relaxed. Stan tried to move but ended up releasing this was more homely than where he was prior.

Richie got as close as he could to Eddie that he would allow. Eddie pushed him away but eventually got tired of the effort and let Richie slide his arms around Eddie’s shoulders. Like Beverly, he rested his head drowsily on Richie’s shoulders. His head slipped from his shoulder to his lap which made Rich flush. He hesitantly combed his fingers through Eddie’s hair and was relieved when Eddie made no movement to stop him. This continued until all the losers slowly fell in and out of unconsciousness. 

Time flew fast and before they all fell asleep on each other, they all moved to their respective sleeping bags.

It was noticeable how  _ some  _ sleeping bags were closer to each other than others.

Soon, all fell into a deep dark sleep…

_ Well, almost all. _

  
  
  
  


** _4:37 am Sunday_ **

Richie and Eddie walked upstairs to Bill’s balcony while the others got some rest. Richie hoped no one saw them slip away. He had been dreading the  _ alone time _ .

Eddie slid the glass door and pushed the curtains to the edge of the corner and grabbed Richie’s wrist. Tightly. He pulled him towards the balcony fence. The automatic torchlight about them turned on at the sense of movement. Eddie looked over the side to the beyond.

“Man, this would be beautiful at night if this town wasn’t such a shithole.”

Eddie glanced around the city that brought them the unhappiest of memories. He squeezed the balcony and looked away from Richie.

Richie didn’t look away, he kept staring in Eddie’s direction.

Or Eddie specifically.

“You know,” Eddie started, “When I went around to all of those boys, I saw how jealous you got. I figured I liked you at that point, but I wasn’t sure what I really wanted.”

“So I flirted with people and tried to get their attention when really, all I ever wanted was yours.”

“I’m new to the idea of love. I never felt it from my mother, so I assumed that if she couldn’t love me, then no one will. I gave up.”

“But you, I don’t know how the fuck it happened but I couldn’t get enough of you.

Somehow you and your crude jokes just attracted me in a way I feared to understand.”

“Back in Neilbolt,” Eddie shuddered a bit.

“When I broke my arm, you desperately tried to help me, even if you didn’t know what to do. You carried me out and even tried to reason for my mother and I realised how much you cared. It was a sweet change.”

“I didn’t know what it was I could feel but it kept me going.”

Longing flowed through Richie’s veins and pulsed madly to his heart, resulting in his face flushing furiously. The euphoria made Rich tremble with both fear and delight. His brain told him not to ruin it with his desirable thoughts, but his heart listened not. Every dream and every nightmare to every joy and every pain was standing firmly in front of him. A faint sound of their heartbeats was pounding against the skin of both boys. Eddie looked at him with afire glistening in his dark eyes, widening at the sudden intimacy. Eddie bit his tongue. A peculiar aura filled the air of thick tension. But it was more of comfort feel than a lust one…

Richie’s eyes were as bright as a candlelit shadow caressing intimate hues of what-ifs and romantic possibilities. Everything surrounding them was gleaming from being moonlit. The world moved at what seemed like a rapid pace. 

Richie couldn’t wait anymore. 

But he didn’t have to too.

Eddie mover ever so slightly closer towards his friend, closing a tight gap between their chests. Eddie’s slim arms tangled around Richie’s neck like a web. His soft hands massaged their way through Richie’s messy waves of curls. Richie settles his hands on Eddie’s waist as a way of comfort for them both. 

Eddie removed Richie’s glasses and placed them aside without moving from his stance. Richie, confused, looked at the blur in front of him.

“I cannot see jackshit Ed’s. How am I supposed to enjoy a moment like this if I can’t view the masterpiece in front of me? This is equivalent to taking candy from a baby!” He protested. 

Eddie rolled his eyes playfully. “Beep Beep Richie. Besides, you don’t need your eyes to feel, that’s what this is all about.”

Richie smirked and raised his eyebrows. “I’d like to see what I’m feeling.”

Too bad.”

He swiftly jumped into Richie’s arms and kissed him unhesitatingly. Richie stumbled; from the unexpected weight  _ and surprise _ . He quickly caught on and found his rhythm.

Eddie tasted like strawberries and vanilla. It was a rousing feeling;  _ intoxicating it seemed. _ It felt like a lifetime flew by while they stayed and peacefully made out in the night. A brisk wind soared by, resulting in pushing Eddie even closer, which he didn’t mind.

Richie’s arms were getting tired from holding the boy up for so long. He tried to ignore the strain for as long as he could, not wanting this to  _ ever end.  _

The love he had for Eddie Kaspbrak burnt inside him as an internal flame. It had been lit for years, too strong to ever be worn out or extinguished. It had such an intense passion and longing to it that it made Richie a promise that could never be broken.

_ Love him through thick and thin and trust me and it’ll be okay _

It’s the only promise he was sure he’d keep.

The moment ended after both boys ran out of breath. Breathing heavily, like wild prey after running for grim death. 

Panting, Richie Eddie stood back from each other, regaining their thoughts and memories of such a beautiful brief period of time.

_ ‘It was heaven’, Richie thought alone. _

_ ‘I do love him’, I always have.’ confirmed Eddie silently. _

Richie looked up to the boy he could now call his and smiled with such glee, it competed with the light of the ever-rising sunrise. Eddie took his hand and intertwined their fingers, as if it were casual. He looked over the balcony.

Despite still being partially blind, Richie glanced at the surrounding environment, his eyes leaning towards  _ his  _ Eddie.

Eddie felt the eyes on his head and faced his boyfriend once again. 

“You are so important to me Ed’s. Every morning was normally just a big blur I desperately tried to forget. Every morning I wake up and wonder if I’m worth the trouble of my friends and my parents. I genuinely hated myself before I started to like you.

People always told me that you can't love somebody until you learn to love yourself first.

Which I found as utter bullshit.

I have  _ never  _ loved myself.

But when I met you, oh god.

I loved you so much I forgot what hating myself felt like.”

“Guess I’m just trying to say that I have really fucking liked you for a while but when I nearly lost you is when I realised how deep the rabbit hole was.”

Eddie started at Richie with a look Rich couldn’t understand. Eddie firmly held his hands as he lifted himself high enough to kiss him again.

”I love you too trashmouth.”

They held each other as they walked down the stairs back to their sleeping bags.

Tonight was in fact, Richie’s best.

  
  
  
  
  



End file.
